My name is too long and complicated for your species to pronounce, but you may call me Fyzzle. I come in peace - please, please don't kill me. We know you have a propensity for violence, and I wanted to make that point as clear as possible. I have adopted the language of your most dominant and forceful nation, as is customary on my planet. To the mighty America: I, Fyzzle, salute you - may the blood of your enemies flood your deepest ravines.
I have traveled from my planet on the Scutum-Centaurus Arm of our galaxy to observe Earth. In all honesty, I had wished to visit Neptune, but I lost a wager to my co-worker and now I'm stuck here.
As we say back home, the cosmos know best.
Hopefully, I will reach a deep understanding of your planet and its inhabitants from a distant, safe orbit. I would land, but I'm fairly certain I will be captured and dissected within hours of touching down, and my ship will no doubt end up on E-Bay.
End transmission.
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